Book back cover illustration for John Joseph’s new novel 2020
Book cover for John Joseph’s new novel 2020
small cats, Large cats 2019
Small cats large cats what is dangerous? what is not? what makes a good pet? litter-trays will be broken! small cats Large cats is an unpublished picture book written and illustrated by Sophie Iremonger. Help with the layout came from Jade Murray and Margaret Anne Suggs.
Small cats sit upon your knee
Large cats lurk in dusky trees
Large cats love the lonely spaces
Small cats beg for toys and treats
Large cats roar for chunks of meat
Small cats play by light of moon
Large cats hunt the fierce baboon
Small cats like to munch on bugs
Large cats get turned into rugs
Small cats rule the flower bed
Large cats ate great uncle Ted
Small cats must go where humans say
Large cats break the litter tray
Small cats fail at being scary
Large cats raced Dakota prairies
Small cats see tubs and get the shivers
Large cats dive through jungle rivers
small cats demand your full attention
Large cats do things too bad to mention
Small cats perform small tricks and games
Large cats jump through hoops of flame
Small cats have names like John and Tony
Big Wind in Little Crangle Knocker, a rude and quite silly story 2018
Written and illustrated by Sophie Iremonger, design and layout by Sarah Kretchmer
Big Wind in little Crangle Knocker
Aaah Crangle-Knocker, grove of mystery tangled in green nowhere.Let's go through the gate...
This is Quincunx.You can call him Quin. Quin spends most of his time being a busy polishing pears in the stately grove of Crangle-Knocker, a fine Demesne near Lyme Regis.His main concerns are keeping his hair neat and knowing everything.
On Tuesday, a thing moved into his favourite pear tree. Two things really.Two globes aloft in the pear tree heights. Quin did not know. What is it? Not knowing...that made him feel strange.Perhaps it was a roguish fruit about to burst! 'well' thought Quin, 'if I see something I must say something.'
Quin rushed to seek the advice of Mrs. and Mrs. Crangle-Knocker, owners both of home and grove, to warn of this explosion!
'Who are you, you obelisk of rudery?' poked green and grey Mrs.Crangle-Knocker, delicately. 'You don't look like a wasps nest.'
'I believe it to be my spaniel that I lost in 1802?' offered the pink and flowery Mrs Crangle-Knocker. Do you think it will still explode?
'Rubbish! it is a cheeky squirrel,' spoke the green and grey Mrs Crangle-Knocker, learnedly, 'and so robust. No explosions here.
'We will get help from our local authorities,' enjoined Quin, 'be it fruit, beast or bomb.'
The relevant parties were summoned. Firstly Frau Furtnozzle, The BBQ brained fire-lady. 'I think it is a kitten!' exclaimed Frau Furtnozzle. Too much smoke on the brain, obviously.
She attempted to rescue it in the best way she knew.
'I'll HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW OFF YOUR STUFF' exploded the thing in the tree! not in the way anyone expected! It obviously enjoyed misquoting the classics. Frau Furtnozzle was clearly clueless, but at least she had a baby lemur now instead of a helmet.
'I am happy now I have a friend, murmored Frau Furtnozzle, breathlessly in love. 'This is much more fun than a helmet.'
The local police-man had a different idea: 'It is a cheeky monkey who needs punishing!' rasped Sergeant Picklehat from beneath his considerable hat, Sergeant Picklehat had a voice like a tin can full of wasps.
He tried the only approach he knew. Do you think it's going to work?
'I'll HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW OFF YOUR STUFF' blasted the thing in the tree! Sergeant Picklehat had not removed his hat in such a long time, he had almost forgotten his special Mc Flurry hair. It was beautiful.
'My Mc Flurry hair! it is beautiful!' beamed Sergeant Picklehat. 'I'm never wearing my helmet again.'
Lastly came the Rt Hon. Lord Tired-Girdle MP. on his 15th Irish coffee of the day. 'It is the rare and legendary green tree zebra of greater Lyme-Regis' postulated the Rt Hon. Lord Tired-Girdle, importantly.
Do you think he was right?
No.He was not right. 'I'll HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND I'LL BLOW OFF YOUR STUFF' parped the thing in the tree. Parpfully!
And the Rt Hon Lord Tired-Girdle's toupee took a one-way trip without him. It went over the wall and over the field and into Mrs.Crangle-Knocker's enclosure of fine Jersey cows, never to be retrieved. M.P T.G. was shocked at the sun on his secret school girl plaits. But it felt good.
'This is exceedingly refreshing!' thus spoke the lord.
It was clearly time to try a different approach, and to thank the unknown being for helping them feel the wind in their hair.
And slowly the mystery revealed itself.
Though as is often the way with revelations, it raised more questions than answers.
Luckily the guest loved cupcakes even more than pears.
The green being thanked the hosts with a musical recital.
There was so much music, and the music was so magical, the whole village danced into the Demesne. Quin's hair got messier and messier, but he didn't mind at all.
Even the Crangle-Knockers felt their hats coming loose. 'I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH.'
Mrs. and Mrs. Crangle-Knocker threw off their hats! can you see? The party went on and on, unmentionable things happened...
And continue to happen in every season and every weather...
...and the trees are decorated all year round, not just at Christmas! And you are welcome, anytime.
Illustrations for Marianne Greenes book ‘Squire bear’ illustrated by Sophie Iremonger 2018
Illustrations for ‘An Eating’ 2017
Apocalypse cook book written and illustrated by Sophie Iremonger. Edited by Scott Elliot. Lay-out by Magnus Nyquist. Published by coda press. See Writing section for details.
Androgyne with baked beans
